the lies we tell
I have a very good body image. I’ve always consciously striven to be a person who can look objectively at her own body and not be filled with self-loathing or over-inflated ego. I think I look fine. I could use some toning here and there, and maybe dress up more often, but overall, I don’t look bad. I know what my good physical traits are and I know what my not-so-good physical traits are.
I’ve been socially conditioned to lie though. Somewhere along the line, I must have learned that people identify more easily with others when you show a vulnerability. So while I feel in general good about myself, if a girlfriend is feeling bad about her body, I’ll not only point out what great features she has and that she’s seeing herself in a warped light (which is almost always the case), I’ll also point out something similarly “bad” about myself, even though I don’t feel bad about it.
In a similar vein, when in the course of ordinary conversation, it is appropriate for me to comment that I have big thighs and legs for someone of my general size (I assure you that I don’t just bring it up for no reason — heh) in a conversation that is not about feeling bad about body image, even when I’m very careful to convey that it is not something I view as negative at all, the other person (generally a woman) is very very quick to say something like, “No, your legs aren’t big! They look fine!”
I can’t tell if they are just trying to make me feel “better”, or if they really believe it. I can’t really think it’s the latter. Heh. I think in general, people expect others to either have a bad body image or be an arrogant asshead, so it is confusing to deal with someone that has a fairly realistic assessment of themselves (or so I think I do). I mean, I have big legs and forearms like I’m 5′ 4-1/2″ and Asian. It’s just who I am. I kinda prefer big legs to skinny legs anyway. Heh.
Anyway, it seems like in the quickness to assure me that my legs are not big, the person actually ends up adding to the general public opinion that big legs are bad and to be avoided. So they are trying to be nice, but given that I have big legs, if I started to listen to carefully, I could start to get self-conscious about them. Hahahaha.
Wow. That was a pointless post. Hahah.
“I’ve always had a pretty negative self image”
That bites! 🙁 I was just gonna say that I think you look great, which is definitely true, but I feel like if I say it here and now, you’ll think that it’s a “lie I tell” or something. Hrm. I’ve dug myself a hole where my honesty will be doubted. Heh.
I think that the big thing that influenced me — and I’m kind of embarrassed to admit this — is seeing this really cute and happy octogenarian on some talk show (maybe Oprah), where she said that her only regret was not wearing more bikinis when she was younger.
She talked about how she spent so much time thinking about how she didn’t look like the beauties of her time that she didn’t realize that she was pretty, and didn’t get to enjoy it while she was young.
I think this is pretty much like when I was small, I just wanted to be an adult and couldn’t wait to not be a kid anymore. I remember not being able to understand when people told me to appreciate being a kid. Boy, do I appreciate the summer vacations and lack of mortgage now!
I do have to admit that after I posted the blog entry, I was like, hmm, how about the fact that I’ve been feeling pretty crappy about my appearnce lately? Was the post really an attempt to suppress the voice of the insecure?
But I also have to stop meta-analyzing at some point. Heh.
The lies we tell indeed.
I’ve always had a pretty negative self image (stems from having to maintain a particular size/shape for extracurricular activities in high school), yet even when I was small and considered desireable, I wouldn’t say so. Instead, I would say the opposite. Sadly, I actually believed back then that I had big thighs, giant ass, etc. etc. Sometimes I wonder if I was more vocal about it so that people would refute my claims and make me feel better.
Sometimes I have to wonder if my current state isn’t punishment for claiming to have ample curves when I didn’t. Now my cups runneth over indeed and I can’t get rid of it. Karma is a big, fat, ugly bitch.
I do admit to still lying to myself though. For instance, Gap and Banana Republic tell me I am one size and I tell myself they are crazy.