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May 9, 2006   

This is the year that many of my friends and I turn thirty years old. I have no trepidations about it. I fully expect that I’ll be my hottest *cough* at age 35. ๐Ÿ˜€ I know that supposedly I will be anxious and worried about what this means for me as the day draws closer, but I don’t feel anything yet.

And yet, for some reason, I thought to myself that I have about a month to decide on something I’d like to do before I turn thirty (which would give me just under another month to actually do it). I started to google around for other people’s lists of things to do before turning 30, but you know what? I think I will write down a list of things that I’m proud that I’ve already done (most of them since turning 20).

Warning: Self-congratulatory pats coming up. ๐Ÿ˜€

  • Put myself through school entirely on my own.
  • Bought my mom that two-story house I told her I would when I was in the fourth grade.
  • Wrote two [bad] novels.
  • Fell in love with a great man and worked on making things work.
  • Moved out to another coast on my own and overcame my biggest fear of making friends/interacting with strangers.
  • Learned to really appreciate true friendship, the kind that lasts over distance and time, and even the fact that we’ve never met face-to-face.
  • Learned that I don’t always have to be strong.
  • Learned that I’m not always right and it’s ok.
  • Lost weight gained from new job.
  • Travelled (Canada :D, Vietnam, Korea, England, France).
  • Joined a gym.
  • Achieved financial stability and began savings & retirement plans.
  • Became an aunt twice over.
  • Held my little infant brother and tried to be a good [absentee] sister to him as he grew up.
  • Learned to appreciate my older siblings.
  • Learned to understand somewhat the depth of my mother’s unconditional love.
  • Made a difference in my friends’ lives.

Of course there’s more. But it’s late. And these things? It’s not just a list. They really mean a lot to me. I never thought, when I was a kid, that I’d do these things. I remember being depressed and feeling like there wasn’t a lot I can hope to achieve, not knowing how to make things be different. But here I am. Things are different.

And I am happy.

4 Comments
Andre Alforque
May 10, 2006 at 9:16 am

Congratulations! And Happy (early) Birthday!

“Became an aunt twice over.” — Hopefully, you didn’t have too much to do with that. ๐Ÿ˜‰

h
May 10, 2006 at 3:31 pm

Made a difference in my friends’ lives.

To say the least!

I remember being depressed and feeling like there wasn’t a lot I can hope to achieve, not knowing how to make things be different. But here I am. Things are different.

I never realized you felt that way growing up. Talk about triumphing over psychological barriers! Now you see the world as your oyster, which it is. Congratulations!

ei-nyung
May 10, 2006 at 3:58 pm

I used to be really depressed and cynical. I used to feel hopeless and wonder if the only way out was to die. I used to feel like a complete nobody and wondered if anyone would ever see value in me. I wondered if I had any value for them to see. Sounds melodramatic, until you consider how old I was when I thought these things. ๐Ÿ˜€ I’m sure every tweener/teenager has felt that way, so I don’t feel like it had to do with particularly unique circumstances, but every time one of my younger cousins seems to be facing a problem, I wish I could tell them to buck up because it’ll be better. Except in a way that sounds convincing and not like a lie.

ei-nyung
May 10, 2006 at 4:05 pm

Speaking of every tweener/teenager feeling a certain way, there is what Seppo & I think of as “Generic Teen Angst Song” that is on the radio a lot nowadays. I know, way to be specific. But it’s so… generically angstful that it’s hysterical. Every line is so cliched that I can’t help bursting into laughter every time it comes on the radio. Then I feel bad because I’m mocking some poor 13 year old who feels like no one understands them except this Generic Band That Caters To Angstful Teenagers.

Tee.

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