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The waiting

October 11, 2009   

Just a week and a half ago, I was nervous and wishing the baby would arrive late, because I felt panicked and worried about, well, everything.

In the last week, I’ve come to a place of readiness and waiting (as has Seppo), which has turned to impatience to meet the little guy! Almost every night, I experience what feels like really low-intensity regular contractions about 10-20 minutes apart, which convinces me that I’m in early labor, only to have those contractions go away by morning.

We had two non-stress tests (NST) and amniotic fluid scans last week, and everything seems to be better than fine, so there is no rush to get him out of there. I know this, but this doesn’t stop my impatience! 😀 I have another regular doctor’s appointment on Tuesday and another NST on Wednesday.

I think he knows we don’t have a name yet and is waiting for us to make up our minds. Heh.

I was really stressed out during the middle to the end of this week because it turned out that the insurance company had the wrong identifying info for me. I hadn’t known I could contact our outsourced HR administrator to resolve the problem for me, so I spent several days on the phone trying to get things worked out. It was stressful because the insurance company representative stated some extremely alarming things regarding my coverage (or lack thereof, in their eyes). With Seppo’s assistance and a follow-up by our HR administrator, the issue got straightened out, but it was a stress point that I didn’t want to have to deal with. I wish the insurance company rep hadn’t been so alarming in his statements, which threw me into a panic and an embarrassing breakdown/crying jag.

I really don’t enjoy feeling/looking weak in front of others, especially strangers, especially in a business setting. I hated that it happened that way, but it is hard to discount the role of an overwhelming amount of hormones coursing through the system, as well as all the normal stresses involved with getting ready for a baby.

I’ve been napping on and off throughout the last few days. I haven’t been sleeping well because of the contractions — both the physical feelings of mild contractions and the mental awareness that they are happening — but I think I’ve also been extra tired. I’ve pretty much had the phone going straight to voicemail.

My mom is coming on Tuesday, late at night. When we booked the tickets, I assumed that we’d be home with the baby by then, and Seppo could slip out to pick her up, but now I wonder if the baby will even be born by then. Who knows, really. He’ll arrive when he wants to arrive. He’s not listening to his mom even now; can you imagine when he’s a teenager? :p

We had a cleaning crew come to do a thorough cleaning before the baby comes. They came on Saturday and did an amazing job. I can’t believe how fast and thoroughly they worked. This really helped us get the last bits of organization for the baby done, so we can focus on the big picture instead of worrying about small details. It’s such a load off my mind.

I’m still writing the thank you notes (and looking up people’s addresses) from the baby shower, but at the rate I’m going, I’ll be including pictures of the baby with the thank you notes! 😀 Well, not if the little guy refuses to come out. :p

We’ve been filling our evenings and weekends with a combination of trying to get ready for the baby and going out to do random things that will be harder to do when the baby is here, like eating out or even going to Best Buy. It’s hard not to think, “This will be our last outing before the baby, surely,” only to have the days keep passing.

Dear baby,

You might as well come out already. We have prepared a good home for you and we are ready to love you. Well, we already love you, but we want to both be able to hold you and look into your face and find out what you are thinking. I can’t speak for your dad, but I’m not too excited about the changing diapers part, but I’ll do it because I love you. 😀 We’ll show you all sorts of exciting and new things. The world has so much to offer. You’ll get to meet all sorts of wonderful people, like grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and little friends (most of them are bigger than you, but some will be coming after you). It’ll be much better than being inside. I wouldn’t lie to you!



January 26, 2009   

I know. Ridiculous, yeah? 😀

Eating monster

January 26, 2009   

I usually turn into an eating monster a couple of days before my period. I’ve turned into an eating monster again, but who knows if this is regular PMS hunger or real pregnancy hunger.

Also, today’s visit to the falafel shop overwhelmed me with the fried smell. Paranoid, overreacting, or sensitive to smells? Who knows. Usually, it’s a smell I’d love.

The weird thing is that I keep being like, “This might just be PMS symptoms,” but I’ve read a ton of stuff, and I know hCG isn’t just going to be floating in my system for no reason. I’m familiar with chemical reagents! I know what’s going on.

And my breasts have been sensitive for days. That never lasts for more than two days.

I guess it could be ectopic or have a genetic issue that would not be viable. But still. I’m totally pregnant, right?

In real life, I am not a nervous person. I think when the doctor confirms it, I will feel like I have permission to let go of the leash on my excitement a little. 🙂

What's this cramping pain?

January 26, 2009   

I half think it’s my period coming on. I almost took another test today, but with my husband’s input, I decided to wait until tomorrow. Since I work from home tomorrow, I can also call my doctor’s office tomorrow, post-test, with some level of privacy.

Anyway, from the moment I woke up to, well, now, I’ve been having deep cramps in my stomach/belly region. It’s sort of a sinusoidal pain, cresting cyclically and making me wince. It’s definitely worse than my usual cramps but better than incapacitating food poisoning cramps.

What’s it mean? My reading seems to indicate that cramps are fairly normal at this stage, but who knows. Maybe it really just is my period coming on.

As excited as I feel, I won’t be too upset if it’s my period, but I’m really trying to pay attention to the minute details of my body, just in case I’m catching the beginnings of our first child. 🙂 I don’t want the fear of not being right keep me from being in the moment. 🙂

Also, if I were a betting person, I would guess a girl, if this pregnancy works out. 🙂 This is due to some voodoo math with the ovulation date. Dun dun dun!


January 25, 2009   

I didn’t sleep too well last night. I figured it was some combination of indigestion (I kept burping — ew!) and excitement. I couldn’t fall asleep until really late, and I couldn’t stay asleep, so I woke up at 7am, which is completely uncharacteristic.

Now, it’s 8:45pm, and I’m tucked into bed, ready to sleep! I wonder if it is all just nerves or if I am actually experiencing nausea and fatigue as pregnancy symptoms. Who knows. And who knows if they are psychosomatic or not?

I went on a walk with U today and totally lied to her face when she asked me if I had “had any luck yet”. :p Them’s the shakes at this stage of the game. Who knows if things will stick.

Even though I keep wanting to talk to someone about this, I am thinking it is best not to tell people until after 12 weeks. I don’t want to tell the families until even later, so there isn’t vast disappointment should things head south.

Because I am paranoid

January 25, 2009   

Today, I really feel like I’m about to get my period. So I retook the cheap-o test when I woke up, which gave me a line so faint that I wasn’t sure of anything, then in the afternoon, I retook the Clearblue Easy, which gave me a faint yet distinct positive read.

It’s funny, because I keep expecting it to not be true. Like I am waiting for someone to confirm it’s true, but as we discussed last night, I guess it’s true unless something else happens to change that. So here we are: we are already pregnant.


I am both excited and weirded out. I guess it’s hard not to be. 🙂

One + and two sets of double lines

January 25, 2009   

Everything is quite faint however. The first test was at 1pm-ish. The two tests after that were at around 5:30pm. Today is 10 days after ovulation, at my best guess based on my charts. Dun dun dun!

Within the hour, I’ve, of course, created a blog, because this is how I roll. Roll! *grabs feet, rolls away*