Being easy vs. Being helpful
In an email thread about where to have lunch, a friend tossed out three suggestions and asked the rest of us which place we’d prefer. I picked one of them and gave an answer right away. One of the responders said:
I’m easy… anything is good with me
The original suggestor wrote back:
No! You are not being easy!! Easy = Opinion!!
I totally agree. And I think this is something that is overlooked in a lot of group (or one-on-one, even) situations. When you have a lot of people who genuinely don’t care or want to accomodate the group, it can be that no one proffers a real preference.
The individuals involved may think that they are being helpful because they are willing to go along with any suggestion, but this is actually unhelpful because it doesn’t help move the decision along (whether it’s for where to go eat or whatever) and puts the burden of investigation and decisionmaking back on the one person — or no one at all.
When it comes to group decisionmaking, I like to do it this way: everyone takes turns making two or three suggestions, and then we see if there is an overlap. Then we go! Forcing people to make suggestions makes this process wrap up quite quickly, usually in a matter of a couple of minutes.
The worst is when one person makes a bunch of suggestions, and another person says that they don’t really want to go to any of those places but will if everyone else does.
The reason I don’t take such a hard line most of the time is that my friends genuinely mean to be helpful by “going along” and have their hearts in the right places.
But as decision-making adults, it’s clear that expressing an opinion doesn’t cause problems but actually help to clear up the fog so that clearer solutions can be seen.
Luckily, most people I know don’t pull that last thing.
I take the hard line for the same reason inorder to get through to them that I really, really mean it.
Otherwise, it’s 20 minutes of dancing around the issue when I’m starving.
Digg this one up.
Wait, where am I?
I used to go batshit crazy with people like that. Now, I just don’t give a shit. No opinion? Then we go where I want and I’m guilt free. I relish saying to them, at the first sign of second-thoughts or dissatisfaction with the choice, “oh, you don’t like it? Well too bad. You had your chance.”
If the group is smaller, I just ask that they either pick 5 places that they wouldn’t mind going to, or I’ll pick 5, and of those 5, the other person has to make a choice. THEY HAVE TO.
“The worst is when one person makes a bunch of suggestions, and another person says that they don’t really want to go to any of those places but will if everyone else does.”
When I get that, I tell them that unless they make choice, it’s too goddamned bad if they don’t like the suggestions. Put up a suggestion or STFU. If you’re polite to these people and act like you give a shit that they may not be happy, they will always, always, pull the guilt trip for the rest of the meal. “boo, hoo, I didn’t even want to come here. waaaaaah!”