Fearless
I hung out with some of my high school friends at a karaoke joint following our dear friend Rye-Jin’s wedding this past weekend. It was a truly wonderful time for me. I was hopped up on the adrenaline rush of seeing friends, a beautiful wedding, good food, the blinding disco lights, and the loud familiar music we sang.
It was such a carefree, soaring, unmitigatedly happy time for me. I feel like I haven’t been that giddy and free in a long, long time. One of the things I feel like is substantially different about this particular group of friends and the inherent dynamic is that there is a sense of reckless abandonment when we are together. Ok, so one or more of them are going to read this and go, “Huh? Whatever, girlfriend,” but I feel it; can’t you feel it too? 😀
I love the way they just stepped up to the mic in front of strangers (the groom’s friends) and just wailed on the songs, not because they were the best singers (although some of them are truly awesome), but because of this, “Screw inhibition! We’re gonna have fun!” mentality that just doesn’t get in their way. I’m talking about karaoke now, but it’s really something that I feel carries over in other ways.
I think another of the reasons that I hate being pushed or pulled by peer influences is that when I hung out with these friends, we just did as we wanted. No one had to really talk anyone into doing anything they didn’t want to, no one had to push someone else to do something, because we were and are so lively and bold. And at the same time, we are all so responsible and goody-two-shoe and have always been. 🙂
I hate the bonds of the civil, conformist society. When I’m with these friends, I never feel judgment or fear. Maybe that’s why I feel like everywhere I’ve been since then is less freeing, more enclosing, more conforming as a society.
Most of them live within 2 hours of each other. One of us in MA (we didn’t get to see her), one of us is in Korea (she was able to fly in), and I’m out here. I feel so grateful and blessed that I can still be friends with these amazing human beings when they could easily have kept in touch with just each other, while I lost touch in the west coast.
They are brash, unique, beautiful, crazy, mature, dependable, loving people. I love them so much. I miss them so much.
And they love Bon Jovi like I love Bon Jovi. 😀
LOL@A_B. It was nice to see them all in their “natural habitat” (karaoke). I mean, I got a good vibe from them, as opposed to before, when everything was always so discombobulated that I never managed to (except for a few individuals) get a sense of who they were as a *group*.
LOL! Of course, I see how it could be read that way, but I meant that the group dynamic was greater than the sum of its parts.
And while I have wonderful friends that I deeply treasure out here, we don’t really have any sort of a group thing, which makes sense since we all met each other through different venues, so there would not be an inherent group dynamic to speak of.
As I’ve said, there is something wonderfully special about post-school friendships because each one is a friendship I’ve purposely pursued, as opposed to just being something situational (i.e. sitting next to each other in three classes or living down the street from one another), so I wouldn’t compare the individual friendships — those I’ve chosen to keep over the years and those I’ve chosen to purposely pursue are both precious to me.
I just don’t have a posse here.
“I just don’t have a posse here.” And that is a truly good thing. Not just for Seppo, but for humankind! 😉
I know what you’re talking about, though. I miss my college posse. Vegas at 2 AM? Sure! Sky diving at noon? Okay! …and that is just the stuff I am allowed to talk about.
It’s funny you should post this today. Last night Alan and I were reminiscing about our days in Pittsburgh and while there was much about our situation that I didn’t enjoy, the friendships we had there were truly wonderful and account for some of the funnest, happiest, best times of my adulthood (you know, all 11 years of it). We all met through Alan’s fraternity, but as time wore on and the fraternity faded, we still clung to each other and became inseparable. At one point, others referred to us somewhat condescendingly as the Elite Eight (4 couples). We embraced it. We loved each others company and had a damn good time whenever we got together. Being around those people has shaped the person I am today. They never made me be anyone else, I just was. I really only keep in touch with one of them now on any sort of regular basis, and I cherish that friendship, but I do miss what was.
IC
So what you’re saying is that your local SF friends are inhibited, don’t like to have fun, make you do things you don’t want to do, and you feel judged and fearful around them.
LOL
😉